Angst
by amy-louise11
Summary: Ed doesn't know what to do. he won't last much longer. the question is will his friends and familiy find out and be able to help before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

Hi there. Er, I'm not sure how this is; I've never tried writing angst before so it probably just sounds stupid. This first chapter is more to try and explain Ed's feelings; it'll go into a normal story next chapter.

Well, let me know how it was, even if it's pitifully comical, just so I know.

;p

-

It was morning.

Again.

Why did morning always have to come? The beginning of another day…

Every morning all Ed could do was think about how much he wished it was already over, the day was done and that evening had come. He just wanted to sit in the dark and not think.

When it was the evening, all that filled his mind was how much he wanted time to slow so he wouldn't have to face another day. He hoped the darkness would never leave, that the morning would never come.

His thoughts trundled in a well worn circle as he sat up on his bed.

It was when he was alone and his guard dropped that the darkest thoughts formed from the edges of his mind, curling and thickening like smoke until they washed over his brain, they ruled him.

They came when he couldn't fight them.

_I want to die._

He had nothing to live for. Not any more.

And each day the dark thoughts came quicker and stronger.

He had nothing to live for…

Al was safe at last. Ed had restored his younger brother to his body months ago.

The homunculi were gone. All dead. And with them had gone all traces of the philosopher's stone.

_I want to die._

Sometimes, when Ed was stronger thoughts of his friends and family fought back the darkness. Other times, they made it worse. They were disgusted by his weakness.

So he kept it hidden.

He wished for death, or some alternative to life but nothing ever happened. He was too weak to act upon it.

Pain.

He was afraid of the pain.

The closest he'd come to acting was after Al had left.

He'd cut himself.

Only once. Not on the wrist. Just the thought of doing it made his stomach turn…slicing into the delicate white skin, through all those blood vessels…

He'd cut himself but on the back of his hand, running from the gap between his finger and thumb up towards his wrist on his left hand.

His left hand was the only one that could bleed.

It had hurt. The blood had flowed forward. It hadn't helped.

The cut was gone now, merely a memory. He was a fast healer; the only time it could be seen was when he clenched his hand into a fist. He was covered in scars, what was one more?

Even if he didn't wear his gloves no one would notice anything wrong. At the rate Ed was going the first sign of something wrong would be when Ed didn't turn up for work one day. Some military personnel would go and investigate his reason of absence. That would be when they'd walk into the darkened bedroom, the curtains drawn, much as his room was right now, to stumble across Ed's lifeless blood soaked body where it remained propped against a wall…

Shuddering at the thought Ed stood up and began to dress.

He wished he wasn't such a good liar. He wished he couldn't act.

He never thought he could do either but he was apparently all too good at it.

After a while once Al was gone Ed's feelings had started to show. People had noticed.

Ed saw the stares and heard the whispering.

It's easier to lie then to admit the truth.

Without even realizing it he'd slipped on the old mask.

No one could see the pain just under the smile.

It hurt that he lied. It hurt more that no one could tell.

Sometimes a person would say casually "Are you alright Ed?"

The way they said it, did they really care? Was it just a formality? Small talk?

At times the urge to say no was so strong he didn't know how it didn't burst from his mouth.

But a mask works in two ways. It can protect you from what's out there but once you've used it for so long it traps you in, holds you in, like a prisoner. You can't live without it.

Ed simply smiled and laughed, telling them everything was fine.

It was then that the truth showed through his eyes, only through his eyes and only for a moment, like he really was wearing a mask. An animated mask that could no longer be removed and he was left to peer out through the eyes and watch helplessly on.

Why did he feel like this? Why?

He'd been so happy after Al had got his body back, everyone had. It was possibly the happiest he'd ever been. Together Al and him had been working towards this for years, all the suffering and striving they'd endured paid off.

Equivalent trade, huh?

There's no such thing.

Al went back home. He wanted to see Winry and Auntie Pinako with reason. Ed had gone with him and for a while everything was as it had been.

Al had gone to mom's grave. The whole thing had started with her and so it ended with her.

Then Ed had to go. Before he knew it he was back at the military. The happiness was gone but nothing replaced it.

He didn't want to be in the military, he hated what it was, what it did and what it stood for.

But…he didn't want to go home, if you could call it home. He didn't belong in Resembool any more.

Sometimes he just couldn't stand it. He could just run away so easily, disappear somewhere, never to be found again…

But he never left. He had nowhere to go. Nothing else to aim for. Nothing to complete. Nothing to live for. He'd lived solely for his brother. Now his brother was safe and happy. He'd done what he'd been striving for for years.

His life was without meaning or purpose.

He hated his pointless existence.

He didn't want to stay. He didn't want to go.

He'd slowly begun to draw into himself.

Outside Ed was the same. Same anger, same laughter, same smile. He was dying inside as true as if he'd been poisoned. It was only a matter of time.

He was a parody of himself.

A mere imitation.

And no one could tell.

He didn't know how much longer he'd last.

Ed paused as he passed the small mirror on the way to the door having dressed and washed.

His face was pale and slightly hollowed making his eyes seem too large in his face.

Dead eyes.

He truly was a ghost of himself.

He was already like a ghost, moving in the world with his sad existence.

With a weight in his stomach and tightness in his throat Ed left his room.

_When will this end?_

Mornings were always hard.

Especially as it was a Monday.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello! This isn't very long and I'm sorry it took so long for the update. This whole chapter is basically from Roy's pov. This is just a story that kinda developed on it's own without me actually planning to write it. The first chapter was started on a Monday morning before I left for school. I wasn't I a particularly good mood that day…

Anyway, here you go wonderful reviewers!

Crystal Remnant – thanks for the review, there's no need to hunt me down or anything :

Roy-Fan-33 – yay! Thank you for the wonderful review! It is indeed my first attempt at writing angst, I'm not usually a person to be all depressed but I found that when I am writing helps, thus the creation of this story!

Prozacfairy – I'm not really into sad endings ;) hint hint and thanks for the review!

-

"That paper work is due in by the end of the day. I suggest you start before Edward arrives for your meeting." Hawkeye said with an underlying hint of menace to the innocent words.

"As indeed I will lieutenant." Roy replied dully. Satisfied she turned away and exited the office.

Roy held his breath listening as her echoing footsteps became more distant in the corridor outside.

Once certain it was safe he leant back in his chair and closed his eyes. There really was too much paper work and he really didn't think he could stand to sit and read all of it.

_Maybe if I rest for a while I'll gather the energy to get through it in one go…_

Mentally he ran through his schedule for the rest of the day.

Paper work. Meeting with Fullmetal. More paper work. Lunch. Paper work. Coffee break. Paper work. Home time.

It wasn't really different from any other. The meeting with Ed would liven his day up, news of what he destroyed this time as well as the boys insane anger broke up the monotone quite nicely.

Unconsciously a frown creased Roy's forehead as his thoughts settled upon the angry blond.

There was something different about Ed, but he didn't know what. Whenever he saw the alchemist this niggling idea would return to him that something was different about him but he could never tell what, even when he sat studying the blond as he'd sat before him.

Ed had achieved the impossible and had returned Al into his body without the price of his own life or any other limbs. Ed had refused his brothers attempt to return his right arm and left leg. Roy thought he understood his reasons: it was too good to be true. Al was finally ok and Ed wasn't prepared to put Al in any situation that would threaten him. It had been almost comical the way Ed had guarded his brother. He'd completely spazed out when he saw Al holding a shape kitchen knife whilst making himself some food and – oh my god – that time a bee had tried to land on Al – hilarious!

Or so they had seemed at the time, now Roy wasn't so sure. It had been then he had noticed this mysterious 'something different' about Ed that he couldn't pinpoint.

He just couldn't figure out what was going through his mind.

Opening his eyes Roy took his gloves from his pocket before slipping them onto his hands. You never could be too careful when Fullmetal was concerned.

Operating on auto pilot Roy sifted through the work stacked on his desk sifting out the papers to be signed.

_I hate Mondays_

-

Silently Ed walked through the corridors, his arms hanging limply at his side, a glazed look in his eyes. Not exactly different from the majority of people's expressions – it was a Monday after all – but there was something in the way Ed held himself, a defeated droop to his shoulders, a slowness to his steps, a rapid quality to his breathing.

All very un-Fullmetal-ish.

Arriving at his destination he didn't knock, instead he walked silently in, shutting the door after himself before taking up his usual slouching position on the couch.

Flicking his gaze upwards he watched the black haired man behind the desk as he scribbled lazily on a sheet of paper.

He either hadn't noticed him come in or he was doing is usual, but very good, show of pretending he hadn't seen Ed.

With almost not effort he lifted a scowl onto his face as he watched his Colonel.

"What do you want bastard?"

Ed watched as his superior jumped before fixing him with a slightly startled expression.

_Huh. He **really** hadn't noticed me come in then, that must be a first._

"Is that anyway to address your superior Fullmetal?" Roy said calmly as he shuffled his paper work into a semi organised mass.

"Just tell me what the mission is _colonel_." Ed said casually.

Arching an eyebrow Roy watched the boy as he examined his gloved hand as though it were far more interesting then anything Mustang could say or do. That feeling was back, there was something different about Ed.

His clothes? No, same clothes, same hair. The way he sat? Not really, he was still slouching in his disrespectful teenaged manner. Was he skinnier? Maybe, but he'd been pretty thin to start off with though.

On closer inspection Roy noted the shadows under the boy's eyes that he'd never noticed before but that was the only difference he could see.

"What's the matter with you Fullmetal?" Roy said putting his pen down.

If he hadn't been studying the blond he wouldn't have seen it, the slightest movement, a flicker of his eye lids.

For a moment the sense of wrongness from him seemed so strong. What was Ed hiding?

Then the boy lifted his confident gold amber eyes to his colonel's before saying grumpily: "It's a Monday. Need I say more?"

Roy had to agree with him there. They truly were the most evil day of the week.

Roy was slightly mollified but he had by no means forgotten his gut feeling. Gut feelings, he found, were never wrong. They'd proved to be better then logic on numerous occasions.

"All right Fullmetal, you want a mission. Your mission is to go into town and collect my dry cleaning. I know you can't help your shortness so make sure you hold the trousers up or they'll be dragged along the floor.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M SO SHORT I COULD USE YOUR TROUSERS AS A CAPE?" Ed cried angrily.

_Well, that at least was the same…_

Sitting forward Roy handed Ed a piece of paper.

That's the address; they're expecting someone from the military to collect them today. Once you've got them return here and give them to lieutenant Hawkeye.

"Fine. All the missions you give me are a load of crap; at least this one won't take more then half an hour." Ed snapped back before rising and turning to the door.

Roy resisted from asking Ed what was wrong for a second time, he got the feeling that the blonds would appreciate the concern.

Just as Ed opened the door to leave Roy called out again.

"And don't crease them."

Ed left without responding.

Roy was once again left in the silence of his office to contemplate the boy's behaviour.

That was not typical Fullmetal. True, he'd responded to the crack at his height but he would expect nothing short of Ed being mortally wounded before he ignored a taunt like that.

It had almost been like he just…didn't care. As though he was a mere irritant to put up with. After that one outburst he hadn't raised his voice again nor had he argued over being made to collect his laundry.

No. gut feelings were always right.

He was right. There was something wrong with Fullmetal, but what?

-

As you can see I was just pretty much establishing that none of the characters have noticed anything wrong with Ed, apart from the exceptionally observant Roy! I'll update again soon, I've found I have to be kinda depressed to write for this story so it will probably be updated at strange times.

p.s. sorry again for the shortness but I didn't want to merge two section together.


	3. Chapter 3

Hello again! Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! I think that there will only be one or two more chapters to this story but it will be all nicely wrapped up.

-

Within half an hour Ed was back from the dry cleaners with Roy's laundry as he handed it over silently to lieutenant Hawkeye.

Unknown to Ed he was being watched.

Roy loitered in the corridor outside his office watching the back of Edward.

After handing over the laundry to Hawkeye Ed turned silently away heading back towards the dorms, presumably to his room.

Roy had discovered that was where he spent most of his time now. He hadn't been seen in the library for so long the staff that were so used to him haunting the isles were worried that something had happened to him on a mission.

It seemed the Fullmetal alchemist had lost his love of books and research.

He'd apparently also developed a tendency of being a late riser and going for walks during the night.

All of these things indicated a change in Ed, he was restless, unsettled.

What was bothering Fullmetal?

Sighing Roy gave up his idea in perusing Ed and returned to his office.

If Hawkeye caught him wandering around he didn't know what she would do…

-

Pushing his door shut after him Ed clicked the lock into place. The room was filled with a pale grey light that sifted through his still closed curtains whilst the air was stale and musty.

Leaning his back against the wall Ed wiped his hand tiredly across his brow as he gradually slid down the wall into a seated position on the floor.

Did Roy know something was wrong?

He had asked…

_But that means nothing _a bitter mocking voice said from that back of his mind, a new part of himself that he had only recently realised was there. A horrible snide little voice that always knew the exact words to say to bring you down, to make you doubt yourself.

Despair rose in an unbearable wave within him, choking him from the intensity of the emotion.

Another day. Another pointless mission. The continuation of his pointless life.

Burying his face in his hands Ed tried to fight against it. Gritting his teeth he held back tears feeling the corners of his mouth twitch downwards.

This feeling was different from the other times, it was too strong.

Staggering upwards Ed walked over to his bed were he reached under the mattress with his flesh hand so he could feel what he was searching for.

Pulling the object out he held it shakily with both hands as he stared uncertainly down at it.

A knife.

Nothing more then a sharp kitchen knife, but a knife none the less.

As Ed looked down at it he saw he eyes reflected staring back at him in the bright metal.

Not that the blade showed it but it had been covered in his blood before.

Leaning back against the walls Ed took a deep breath as he pushed up the sleeve of his left arm.

Closing his eyes he lowered the knife until he felt the sharpness of the blade against his wrist.

-

Over the next couple of days Roy found more evidence that there was something seriously wrong with Ed.

Roy no longer saw him at the dining hall, true he could be eating out or just getting food from the kitchens but Ed wasn't one to turn down unlimited amounts of free food.

Apparently Ed hadn't left him room during the day since he was sent to collect his dry cleaning.

It had been a couple of days after the dry cleaning mission that Roy had given him that Ed had passed Roy in the corridor avoiding his eyes.

Then something about the alchemist had caught his eye.

There was a red patch on his left sleeve that was darker then the rest.

As he passed the boy giving him a nod of recognition it wasn't until he was halfway down the corridor that the sleeve had seemed of any significance.

In the middle of the shiny corridor floor was a red drop of liquid.

It instantly caught Roy's eye. Crouching down next to it he recognised it obviously as blood.

Standing, Roy looked back down the corridor for Ed but he was no where in sight.

Even now there was no proof that the blood had been Ed's, or that the darker red on his sleeve had been blood but Roy was certain of it, even if he couldn't prove it.

By this point it was not only Roy who had been thinking Ed was acting differently. Hughes had commented on the boy's behaviour after Ed had left Roy's office one day.

"What did you say to Ed, Roy? I don't think I've ever seen him look so down." Hughes had said, sticking his head in around the door frame.

"I didn't say anything worse then usual. I'm glad you noticed it too though, I've thought Ed had been acting weird for a while but no one else seemed to pick up on it." Roy said intently as he watched for his friend's reaction.

"He just seems to have lost his fire; he looked disheartened when he came out of your office, that's why I thought you'd been shouting at him or something." Hughes said as he stepped further into Roy's office.

"I don't know what's going on but I want someone to watch him. You're handy with a camera Maes, I want you to secretly follow Ed in any spare moment you have and to find out exactly what he's up to." Roy said seriously.

That had been a couple of days ago.

Roy hadn't seen Ed since that day he had passed him in the corridor with that darker red stain on his sleeve. There had been no new missions coming into the office so he hadn't given Ed one. Even if there had been he wouldn't have, not until the meaning behind Ed's strange behaviour had been uncoverd.

Roy's thoughts were once again on the blond alchemist as he sat idly behind his desk doodling on the back of a piece of paper work.

KNOCK KNOCK

"Enter." Roy called snapping awake from his musings.

The door swung open to unveil Hughes with an uncharacteristically grim look on his face.

"Maes, how are you?" Roy said

"I'm fine." He said shortly before shutting the door after him as he continued in a quieter voice. "I have some…information to report back to you about Edward. I thought you would want to deal with the problem."

Silently Hughes placed a brown envelope on the desk before Roy.

Looking curiously up at the man Roy slit open the top of the envelope pulling out a number of black and white photos.

The first just seemed to be Ed drinking a drink in a café.

"What am I supposed to be looking at here?" Roy asked.

"Look closer. At his left wrist." Hughes said seriously, no sign of his usual smile.

Looking back at the photograph Roy saw what Hughes was talking about. Ed was holding his drink in his left hand, the cup half raised towards his lips. His sleeve had fallen back revealing raised scar lines across his wrist.

There was silence for a long time.

"Thank you Maes, if you'll excuse me I need to make a phone call." Roy said as he put the photos down sadly.

Hughes nodded silently in understanding before leaving.

Roy sat in a kind of horrified trance as he looked through all the pictures.

Picking up the phone he dialled and unfamiliar number.

"Hello, this is Colonel Mustang. I need to speak to Alphonse Elric. It's urgent."


	4. Chapter 4

Yay! Thank you for the reviews! The next chapter will be longer as this one is pitifully short. There will be more of Ed's pov as well.

Enjoy :D

-

Roy spoke seriously into the silence at the other end of the phone line.

At the end of Roy's explanation for his call the silence stretched on but he knew Al was still there, he could hear his rapid breathing.

"When will you be leaving for central?" Roy asked

"Immediately Colonel." Al said at once, his voice was shaken and harsh. What Roy had to say hadn't been easy to hear.

"Upon you're arrival I will have you picked up from the train station by a military car. It will bring you straight here, I do not want you confronting your brother until I have spoken to you in my office. Is that understood?" Roy said in a detached way, he had hardly gotten over the shock of what Ed had done; the photographs were still spread over his desk. But he knew what he was doing.

Or at least, what he was going to do about it.

"Goodbye colonel." Al said the shaking in his voice was more pronounced.

"Everything will work out fine Al." Roy said quietly "Goodbye."

There was a click as Al put the phone down. The line went dead.

Sighing Roy replaced his phone receiver.

He couldn't believe Ful – Ed.

Ed.

_What are you thinking? What has happened to reduce you to cutting yourself?_

The image of the loud, angry, confident blond wouldn't merge with Roy's new image of Ed.

He'd given no sign of anything being out of the ordinary, it had been Roy's gut feeling and the combination of the two minute signals, the flickering of Ed's eye lids when he had asked if he was ok, and the single drop of blood on the corridor floor that had aroused his suspicion and lead to the uncovering of the reason behind his strange behaviour.

It had been darker then anything Roy had thought.

Once again Roy looked over the photos spread across his desk.

There had been three photos in the envelope Hughes had given him.

There was the one Roy had first seen of Ed sitting in a café. There was one of Ed sitting on some stone stairs at night in the rain, dripping wet as he sat with his knees clutched up to his chest, his face buried in his folded arms.

There was also a close up picture of Ed's wrist clearly showing the scabbed, half healed gashes across his wrist.

A shudder ran through his body as Roy ran a hand across his eyes in a mixture of sadness, fear and anger.

What could have happened to make Ed do this? What must he be feeling to make him think cutting was his only way out?

What if he hadn't noticed? Or if he had ignored it as childish behaviour?

Inwardly Roy shuddered, knowing all too well that it could indeed have happened. If it had gone unnoticed, would Ed have continued?

Would Ed have…?

Roy's mind went blank, unable to finish the thought.

With deadened eyes Roy stared over the pictures.

Ed still had no idea that Roy knew, but all of that would be changing in a number of hours…

Suddenly anger flashed across the void in his mind.

How could Ed have done this!

Did he not have Ed's trust?

In the past if Ed had needed help Roy had given it, it didn't matter how he had done it, thought taunting or banter, he had given it.

For all those years.

How could Ed have kept these things to himself? Even if Al wasn't here he should know he could come to him any time to talk!

Unable to remain still Roy leapt up and paced his office furiously, clutching his hands together behind his back.

Storming back over to his desk he snatched up his phone. With a click the phone was answered.

"Yes colonel?" a female voice answered.

"Get Hughes in here." He snapped.

He needed to talk to the man; he had got the photos of Ed. He wanted to know the extent of what Ed was doing to himself.

Besides, if he didn't speak to him soon then there would be no one to hold him back from beating the crap out of Ed to make him realise his mistake when his self restrain finally snapped.

Gritting his teeth he continued his pacing, snapping his fingers every few seconds causing small bursts of fire to appear above his hand.

-

There was a click as Roy's office door opened.

Hughes walked sombrely into the room to find his friend pacing furiously, snapping his fingers every couple of steps to create a small fire ball in the air above his hand.

It was pretty much what he'd expected. He'd known Roy would freak out. Hell, he'd been freaking out. He'd nearly flipped out himself when he first realised what Ed was doing.

But Roy had obviously known that something was up. That at least was comforting.

Suddenly seeing Hughes Roy stopped his pacing.

"Maes. I want you to tell me the extent of what Ed has been doing. Then I'm going to tell you what we're going to do about it. Al is on his way as we speak." Roy said his voice harsh out of anger that wasn't directed at Hughes. "So what has he been doing?"

-

I know that this is supposed to be a depressing story but I'm really enjoying writing it as I've never written anything like this! I'm glad you people like it! Well, if you do, review!


	5. Chapter 5

Mwah ha ha ha! Chapter 5! This story has become longer then I thought it was going to be, I think that there'll be a chapter to two left after this one.

I would like to say thank you to everyone who has reviewed! And Roy-Fan-33 the lateness of your reviews is forgiven because you write such lovely long ones which are helpful from the way you point out what's good and what's not:D

This chappys a bit longer I think. So here you go!

-

Sighing, Hughes dropped his eyes from Roy's frightening intensity.

He'd never seen him like this before.

In the face of Roy's fury at Ed, he almost forgot himself enough to feel sorry for Ed.

What was he thinking, of course he felt sorry for Ed.

He had known Ed since he'd first joined the military. Before that, they met when he and his brother were first travelling to central to see Roy.

They should never have entered the military; it was no place for children.

Children were meant to be protected by adults, not the other way round.

But that was exactly what had happened.

Yes, Ed and Al were both exceptional with more talent in alchemy then most of the other alchemists in central put together. But they were still children.

Children who had already seen such horrors and violence in their lives, having witnessed terrible suffering as well as endured it. Children who weren't emotionally developed and so incapable of being able to understand or cope with the horrors that existed in the world.

But in the military no lenience had been given. Ed was a state alchemist, not a child in their eyes.

He was an official state alchemist so he had to act like one.

And now something had driven Ed too far.

"Do you have and idea? A plan? Some sort of strategy to help Ed? If this matter isn't dealt with sensitively then you could just make it work." Hughes said neutrally. He didn't want Roy to unload any of his fury onto him.

"I know how I'm going to dealt with this. Why did you think I called Alphonse up from Resembool?" Roy snapped as he ran his fingers through his hair out of irritation.

Sighing Hughes gently rubbed his temple. It felt like he was being calm for both of them and it was giving him a headache.

"So fill me in on what Ed's been doing. Explain the pictures you gave me." Roy said into the silence. He could hear the forced clam in his voice as he struggled to gain some control over his anger.

"It's pretty much what you see is what you get." Hughes said as he pushed up his glasses.

It had started the day after he had been given the order by Roy.

Ed had left the military base after sunset. Hughes had followed unseen with his trusty camera.

He'd been having fun at the time, he hadn't known what Ed was up to, Hughes had been entertaining ideas of Ed having a secret girl friend and was sneaking out for a date.

Ah, the innocence of youth.

Stealthily Hughes followed, tip-toeing his way along the building fronts, hidden in the darkest shadows.

Not that he'd had any previous experience of stalking or anything…

Ed walked slowly into a 24 hour café, taking a seat close to the large empty windows so he was easily visible from out in the street where Hughes stood watching with his camera.

Not knowing what he was looking for he'd started snapping.

Ed ordered a hot drink of some kind, probably coffee knowing him. After finishing his drink Ed simply sat staring.

That was when Hughes had seen it as Ed sat propping his head up on his left hand. His sleeve fell back revealing the delicate skin on the underside of his arm which was marred by the large gashes across the skin.

Hughes simply stared.

Was Ed hurt? Had he really been that badly damaged from all the missions he had been sent on over the years?

Thinking back Ed hadn't been on any missions that had involved leaving central for about three weeks. He'd been sent to collect Roy's dry cleaning but that was just the colonel trying to wind Ed up.

So how had he got those injuries?

Then the obvious had come to his mind.

Was Ed…cutting himself?

Peering closer through the window his suspicions were confirmed.

The cuts were too regular and too numerous in number to be a coincidence.

They were self-inflicted?

Raising his camera he focused in, about to take a close up of the boy's wrist. Through the camera lens he could see the red-brown of dried blood. The cuts were fresh then, they'd hardly healed.

_Ed what have you done?_

Silently he fought back the urge to storm into the café demanding answers. He was shocked into stillness.

For a long time nothing had happened. Ed sat unmoving at his table staring off into space completely zoned out as Hughes remained too shocked to move, unable to accept what Ed must have been doing.

What Ed still was doing.

_But Roy must have known. He might not have known anything specific but he must have had suspicions otherwise he wouldn't have asked me to follow him and find out what he's been doing._

It was starting to rain.

From where he stood outside in the rain there wasn't much Hughes could do to escape it.

He stood unmoving; his back to the shop front of the building next to the café Ed was still in.

He wouldn't leave until Ed had gone home. He would follow him back to headquarters to make sure he would be safe, not that there was much anyone could do against the Fullmetal alchemist. No one would be stupid enough to try anything with him.

There would probably be more danger waiting for Ed once he was back in headquarters. There would be no one to protect him from himself.

The rain was only a light drizzle but Hughes was still glad when he spotted Ed getting up to leave.

He left the café and walked out into the cold, darkened street without so much as a battering of an eyelid as the wind swept his hair back, his coat flapping around him wildly as the first cold drops of rain struck him on his exposed face and neck.

Hughes kept his distance, only following close enough to keep Ed's small hunched form in sight.

Ed wouldn't have recognised him even if he had turned round. Hughes' uniform was swathed in a full length black coat which was wonderfully waterproof and warm.

Ed wasn't so fortunate. He was only wearing his usual clothing. His red coat stood no chance against the storm blasting and slashing through the narrow ally ways into the larger streets. The winds tugged at Ed's coat restlessly, throwing it around so it waved through the air like some flag to Ed's presence even though it was weighed down from the drenching of the rain.

Slowly they drew closer to the military headquarters where Ed would presumably be returning to his dorm.

The building loomed a slightly darker black then the writhing night sky which was a mass of broiling rolling sludge grey and ink black clouds which continued to viciously lash rain down on the earth.

Sighing with relief Hughes watched as Ed approached the open gates. He could go home now. He would inform the colonel of everything first thing in the morning.

Ed stopped suddenly and turned to face Hughes where he stood secreted in a sheltered door way, hidden from the rain and sight.

There was no way Ed could have seen him in this light!

He hadn't been seen. Ed lowered himself down onto the stone steps before the building, the rain drops splashing around him as the wind yanked and pulled his hair and coat which had been weakly wrapped around him in an attempt of warmth.

It broke his heart.

Hughes had already left his hiding place before he'd realised what happen. He forced himself to stop as Roy's words echoed through his mind.

He'd phoned Hughes after speaking to him in his office.

"_Don't let him see you. Disguise yourself and don't approach him. You may only make yourself known to him if he is…wounded or in danger. Follow and observe."_

He had wondered about Roy's strange pause before he had said 'wounded'. It had been like he was simply searching for the appropriate word. Now he understood. Roy may not have realised the accuracy of his words, the man had only sent Hughes to do this from a gut feeling but Roy was a very perceptive person when he wanted to be. Maybe he had secretly thought Ed was hurting himself and if Hughes saw anything he was to stop it.

Sadly Hughes had raised his camera and took one last picture.

After a while the boy had slowly unfolded himself on the step as he unsteadily stood, walking alone into the darkened building.

-

Hughes watched Roy as the silence stretched on from the end of his story.

Roy's fury had been replaced by an unreadable calm. Something was going on within his thoughts.

"Hughes, I want a military car waiting at central station with a military personnel waiting for Alphonse Elric. His train will be arriving in a couple of hours. He will be brought straight to my office. When I have spoken to him I want you to fetch Ed and bring him to my office. Make up any reason if you have to; just make sure he gets here." Roy said in a slightly strained voice showing the effort it was costing him to keep his emotions in check.

As an after thought he added: "And remove all personnel from this area. I don't want anyone getting hurt it things turn messy."

"Yes sir." Hughes said formally as he saluted.

There was nothing left to say so he turned and walked silently from the office to carry out Roy's instructions.

Left alone in his office Roy tugged his gloves rougher then necessary before walking round his desk to where he kept some of his spare gloves. Opening the draw he pulled out another pair before tucking them into his pocket.

He didn't want it to come to fighting but knowing Ed, it very likely would.

-

I will update soon as I'm on Easter holidays! Yay!


	6. Chapter 6

Hello hello. This chapter is extra long as it is the confrontation with Ed! I won't say no more here, there'll be a note at the bottom instead.

Thank you very much for the reviews! - they're wonderful:D

Enjoy!

-

His curtains were open. He couldn't remember the last time he'd done that.

Ed stared up out the window from where he sat on the floor leaning against the wall. He could only see the brilliant clear blue sky.

It had been a long time he'd seen a sky like that, it stirred something in his memory, memories of him and Al playing on summer's days under such a sky.

The stir of happiness in his heart almost wasn't recognised by Ed. He hadn't had anything to be happy about in a long time.

Looking down at his left arm he felt the small wavering flame of happiness snuffed out.

His left arm lay resting on his legs before him, bleeding.

In self disgust Ed threw the knife as hard as he could with his right arm at the door into his room. It was left quivering in the wood from the impact.

Cradling his arm to his chest Ed got up and walked over to one of his draws, pulling out a length of bandaging.

He had to make sure he bandaged him arm after cutting himself now. One time he'd stupidly left his room whilst his arm still bled, it had soaked through his sleeve and was dripping before he'd noticed.

-

Arm bandaged, dressed and washed, Ed was standing in front of his mirror braiding his hair when there was a knock on the door.

Putting in the hair band Ed checked once again that his arm wasn't bleeding visibly and that the bandaging was hidden by his sleeve and glove.

Eyes widening when he saw the blood covered knife sticking out of the door, he hoped the person did want to come in as he pulled open the door.

"Ohio Ed!" Hughes said cheerfully as he raised a hand in greeting.

"Morning." Ed replied as he pretended to yawn as though he'd only just got up.

"This isn't a social call I'm afraid. The Colonel needs to see you. It's very important." Hughes sighed.

"Fine, fine." Ed said as he stepped into the corridor shutting his door hastily behind him, his thoughts still on the knife sticking out of his bedroom door.

"What does that bastard want this time?"

"I don't know, he didn't say anything other then it was urgent." Hughes said.

He watched the boy as he locked his room.

Was this really the same Ed he'd seen sitting in the rain a few nights ago? He seemed the same as ever. He just couldn't comprehend that Ed could do something that opposed everything he seemed to stand for.

"Alright, let's go." Ed sighed unhappily as he turned, walking alongside Hughes.

Hughes was strangely quiet today. Without the man noticing Ed watched him from the corner of his eye. By now he would usually already be chatting happily about his daughter whilst trying to force pictures of her new hair cut onto him.

Observing the corridors as they drew closer to the colonel's office it struck him that they were all empty.

Had something happened? Was this why the colonel wanted to see him?

"Hey Hughes, where is everyone?" Ed asked as they stopped outside Roy's office.

For a second there was a strange unreadable look on his face. "The colonel will fill you in." he said emotionlessly.

This strange new behaviour was unnerving him slightly. What was going on?

"The colonel is waiting."

Throwing Hughes a curious look Ed stepped forward opening the door.Itdoor swung shut after him.

Roy was sitting behind his desk watching Ed with an almost frightening intensity. His desk was devoid of paperwork for once.

Walking forward uncertainly he was startled to realise that there was someone else in the room.

The person had been sitting on the colonel's black sofa but they now stood as Ed moved forward.

"Al! Wha-why are you here? Is everything ok?" Ed said rushing forward to his younger brother.

It was the colonel that answered the question, not Al.

"No. not really Ed. Please sit down." Roy said.

His eyes flicked uncertainly between Al and Roy. The way Roy spoke had been as though he were ordering Ed. And what was with him using his first name? What happened to Fullmetal?

Obediently Ed sat on the end of the sofa nearest Roy as Al sat next to him fidgeting.

He may not know what was going on but he could read his brother like a book. It was something bad.

He turned expectantly to the colonel.

Still holding Ed with his knowing stare he spoke.

"I know what's been going on Ed. So do Al and Hughes."

Ed stared.

"About what?" Ed said confused. He still didn't understand why Al was there, something _must_ be wrong.

"We know about you Ed. We know you've been cutting yourself."

Ed stared.

Roy stared.

Al stared.

Mind completely blank Ed said simply: "Huh?"

"You have been cutting your left wrist." Roy said bluntly without breaking Ed's gaze.

Once again Ed stared but this time it was from barely concealed horror as Roy words sunk into him like chunks of ice surrounding his heart.

_Roy knows! What the fuck! Shit, this is bad. SSSHHHIIIIIITTTTT! REALLY BAD! How does he know? Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! WAIT. Al knows!_

Then he froze. Al was sitting right next to him.

In a mixture of fear, dread and disbelief Ed turned slowly to look at him.

There were unshed tears glistening in his younger brothers eyes.

Suddenly Al reached out, grabbing Ed's left arm yanking it towards him as he pushed up the red coat sleeve revealing the bandage.

Blood had started to soak though from the cut he had done before Hughes had come for him.

Reflexively he pulled back his arm yanking down his coat sleeve over his wrist.

Ed's mind was completely blank of all thought, fear and panic burned in his veins like acid.

His heart pumped furiously in his chest, his heart beat erratic as his breathing became shallow and rapid.

He didn't know what to do. His mind was completely blank. The instinct to run had him by the throat.

Silence stretched on as the sound of his heart thumping in his ears grew louder.

Adrenalin ran as rivers through his blood, his muscles twitching from the need to move.

Clap

Ed slammed his hands on the ground as a concrete wall shot upwards across the room making a physical barrier between him and Roy.

_Run!_ His mind screamed frantically at him. _Run!Run!Run!_

Ed leapt up, dashing for the door.

SLAM

Al tackled him to the ground crushing the air out of him.

They rolled furiously across the floor, Ed barely touching his brother afraid of hurting him whilst trying to hurriedly detangle himself.

Al fought against his brother as he clutched Ed's wrists, pushing them apart to prevent him from doing anymore alchemy.

Ed cried out in pain as Al's grip tightened over his cut wrist, weakening his resistance against his brother.

For a second they froze, Ed pinned beneath Al with his hands pressed to the floor either side of him.

Each was shocked by what they saw in the others face.

Silent tears were running down Al's face as he held Ed firmly looking down at him.

Ed's eyes were wide and afraid, filled with pain and panic, like a wild animals.

In a flash of scorching heat and light the concrete wall Ed created blew apart, chunks of it flying in every direction as a choking dust filled the air.

Al had released his brother from shock and Ed moved immediately, slipping away as he stumbled upright.

Dazed and struggling to breathe Ed slumped against the wall.

_Why am I so weak?_

Looking down he saw the bandage on his wrist was soaked crimson, blood dripping on to the floor.

_Ah_ Ed thought dully in understanding.

Hands gripped his shoulders roughly, slamming his back firmly against the wall.

A pair of onyx eyes glared down at him.

Panicking Ed struggled against the man, his left arm shaking weakly as he tried to push Roy away, leaving a bloody handprint on his pristine blue uniform.

"Let go of me!" Ed demanded angrily as he struggled and twisted but Roy was immoveable, as solid as the wall behind him whilst his arms were already growing tired.

"Stop niichan!" Al cried as he pushed himself upright, walking on unsteadily legs towards them.

Ed froze, no longer struggling.

Al watched him sadly with silent tears. Roy held him firmly as he stared angrily down at him.

"I'm going to let go of you now. You will do no more alchemy, that is an order. If you do you will be toasted." Roy said slowly, his voice shaking out of forced calm.

Ed nodded silently as he dropped his gaze.

Roy took a step back, holding one hand up ready to snap his fingers at the first sign of Ed clapping his hands.

"Are those cuts where you were trying to kill yourself Ed?" Roy asked.

Ed didn't respond for a long moment. No one moved. Roy and Al watched him as Ed stared down at the dust covered carpet unable to meet their gaze.

"No." Ed muttered.

"But they are self inflicted?" Roy said again.

Emotionlessly Ed raised his eyes, looking into Roy's.

"Yes."

Without warning Al leapt at Ed where he still stood leaning against the wall. Drawing his fist back Al punched his brother in the face, the blow landing hard on his cheek bone.

"How could you niichan!" Al cried as fresh tears rolled down his face whilst Ed slid a little further down the wall from the punch before his muscles collapsed completely causing him to slide into a sitting position against the wall, Al and Roy towering above him.

Silently Al knelt down next to his brother; their eyes meeting for a long moment until Al leant forward pulling his brother into a hug.

Unshed tears sparkled in Ed's eyes.

Roy stood silently over the brothers with a pained expression.

"Why did you do it niichan?" Al said pulling away as he stared into his brother's eyes.

Ed made no move to answer as he stared down at the carpet.

Al gently shook his shoulders as a way of demanding an answer.

"I can't say. You wouldn't understand." Ed's voice shook slightly as he spoke.

"How can you say I wouldn't understand? I've known you all my life niichan." Al said sadly.

Once again Ed didn't respond. Tears glistened in his eyes.

"How would you feel niichan if that was me cutting myself, how would you feel!" Al cried.

He snatched up a piece of sharp twisted metal from among the rubble and dust on the ground and stabbed it into the palm of him hand.

"Al!" Ed cried as he snatched the piece of metal away after pulling it carefully from his hand.

The three of them stared and the blood oozing from Al's hand.

The silence between the brothers spoke volumes of understanding.

"Why brother? If things were getting too much for you why didn't you speak to me? Why didn't you speak to the colonel?" Al said quietly.

Ed shook his head, the barriers holding back the tears finally breaking as they slid down his face.

Al leant forward and hugged his brother again.

Resting his face on his Al's shoulder Ed felt the tears flow forward, feeling anger in the back of his mind that Roy hadn't looked away.

With every tear shed Ed felt his pain and sadness leave him as he realised how stupid he'd been.

_Why had he kept his suffering secret? Making it a secret had only given it more power over him. Dam his stupid pride. _

Once all his tears were gone Ed had recovered emotionally but he still felt a little light headed.

Gently he pushed his bother away casting a quick look at the colonel and back to Al.

With a look of understanding Al let go of his brother before standing up and moving back a step.

Roy watched with a hint of curiosity at the brothers strange movements.

Using the wall to support himself Ed stood before taking a step forward so he was in front of Roy.

Roywaited silently watching Ed, his eyes as hard as diamonds, glittering darkly.

From the clenching of his jaw and fierceness of his eyes Ed could tell he still wanted to have his say and this show of calmness was stretching his self control.

"Why couldn't you talk to anyone, even though Al wasn't here you could have spoken to me." Roy said through his teeth. His anger was frightening to behold.

Ed didn't say anything. He was shocked by the strength of the colonel's anger.

"I don't think I can talk about it. All I can say is this. I am truly sorry. I can't believe what I did." Ed paused. The words sounded stupid and hollow to own ears.

As Roy watched Ed had broken down and put himself back together again. Now as the boy stood before him there was a shadow of his fighting spirit.

Ed opened his mouth as though about to speak but seeing Roy's expression he closed it again. There were no words he could say to make it up to his brother or Roy. He finally realised what he'd done had effects on the people closest to him.

Lifting his eyes back up to Roy's he said quietly: "Sorry."

Suddenly there was a gentle hand gripping his shoulder.

"I think that's the first time I've heard you apologise." Roy said with the tiniest of smiles. "But don't think you're off the hook."

Applying a little pressure on Ed's shoulder Roy steered him back round to sit on the once black sofa which was now covered in rubble and dust.

"There's a first aid kit on the wall by the door Al, could you get it for me?" Roy asked as he took a seat next to Ed on the sofa, removing his gloves and rolling up his sleeves.

"Now we're going to see what sort of a state you're in." Roy said seriously.

"What?" Ed said his eyes opening wider.

"Your wrist. I need to see it." Roy said firmly, his eyes still promising his earlier threat.

Looking down at his blood soaked bandage he felt a stab of worry. He'd never bled that much before…

Hesitantly Ed held out his arm.

With surprising gentleness Roy untied Ed's sloppy bandaging he'd done one handed earlier that day.

The bandage was completely blood coated; it'd started clotting in places.

Watching Roy's eyes nervously Ed saw them widen in shock as the last of the bandage fell away.

From his wrist to the joint of his elbow was covered in gashes, some merely scratches, some half healed and scabbed but the one half way up his arm that he'd done that morning was still open though no longer bleeding.

Al stopped next to Roy handing him the first aid kit before he saw his brother's arm, promptly turning a chalky white.

Ashamed Ed tried to pull his arm back but Roy tightened his grip on his hand.

"There's no point in getting shy now." Roy said meeting Ed's eyes before opening the first aid kit.

Al sat down on Ed's other side watching on silently.

From the first aid kit Roy pulled out a packet of antiseptic cleaning wipes. Pulling one out Roy carefully began to wipe away the smeared clotting blood on Ed's arm, carefully skirting the still open cut.

Once the blood had been cleared up the damage seemed a lot less and Al regained some colour in his face.

Throwing the wipe into the bin sitting by his desk Roy turned back to Ed.

Turning his arm he studied the cuts for a moment before looking back up at the blond.

"So how long has this been going on?" he said indicating Ed's arm.

There was no point in lying now…

"Shortly after I returned to the military…it just slowly built up…"

"Stupid boy." Roy said as he pulled out a length of bandaging from the kit.

Dropping his gaze he knew Roy was right. How stupid could he have been?

Methodically Roy began to wind the dressing around Ed's arm, tight but not uncomfortable.

"How much trouble am I in?" Ed asked uncertainly as Roy tied the bandage.

"With the military officially? None. With me? A lot." Roy said simply.

Ed hung his head in understanding and dread.

"I'm staying with you niichan." Al said suddenly breaking his silence.

"No. You don't have to leave Resembool just because I was being stupid." Ed said attempting to pull a smile to his face.

"You need someone to look after you niichan and keep you out of trouble. Being with Winry and auntie Pinako is nice but I'm done staying there. Now that I've got a body I've got to go out into the world and make good use of it!"

"But Al-"

"I'm staying and that's final." Al said firmly as he folded his arms.

Sighing, a slight smile curved his lips but only for a second.

"You can't go in my room until I've tidied up though." Ed said darkly. This earned him a glare from both of them.

"You're all patched up Ed." Roy said putting away the first aid kit.

Grateful, Ed pulled his bloodied sleeve back over his arm swaying suddenly.

Looking around at what was left of Roy's office it would be easy to believe that a murder or fight had taken place from all the rubble and dust in the room, as well as the three of them covered being covered in Ed's blood which was also smeared over the walls in places.

"You'd be in less trouble if my office weren't trashed." Roy said as he used a wipe to clean his hands of Ed's blood.

Standing up Ed walked into the centre of the room.

"You're not going to toast me are you?" Ed asked uncertainly.

"Not if you're fixing my office I won't." he said leaning up against his desk.

Silently Ed obeyed.

Clapping his hands together the chunks and dust returned into the floor where Ed had made his concrete wall restoring the room to a relatively clean state. Except for the blood.

-

Well, I hope you enjoyed! I said I'd put a note at the bottom here as I was having a dilemma with the ending of this story. I didn't know if it would be good to end it here or to do another chapter maybe of Ed recovering with Al and Roy and just generally sorting out the mess Ed caused for himself. So let me know what you thought of this chapter and whether I should add another chapter just to wrap things up nicely. Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

Well, hello again! yes, i am back with another chapter which is what everyone who reviewed told me to do. thank you all for your wonderful comments and this is the last chapter of 'Angst'. well let me know what ye people think. don't kill me!

-

It had been a week since Roy and Al had confronted Ed. It was as though a huge weight had been drawn off his chest.

He hadn't felt normal for such a long time. Just _normal_.

What he had done still haunted him. His insides burned with guilt and shame every time he caught a glimpse of his left wrist, nor was he blind to Al or Roy's stares as they watched him from the corner of their eyes.

Roy had moved him and Al into a new room. He hadn't given any real reason but Ed was grateful, he could just imagine every time he was alone their old room he'd remember what he'd done…where he'd kept his knife…things like that

He was very grateful.

Ed hadn't been put on any missions either. Also the colonel's doing.

Neither Roy nor Hughes had said anything of what had been going on, though both were being pestered for answers. Riza was especially pissed, which is very dangerous for the people around her, as she didn't like not knowing what was going on, Roy had never been able to keep things secret from her, when had he gotten so good?

The week had passed quickly for Ed. Just hanging out with Al for the most part. After a day or so they hadn't mentioned Ed's cutting directly though it was by no means forgotten. You're supposed to learn from your mistakes and besides, there was no way he would forget it had happened, even if he tried.

It was almost like all that needed to be said had been.

Amongst all of the depression, confrontation and relief in the return of normality Ed had completely forgotten it was his birthday. It was always in the back of his mind, he would notice his birthday coming and ignore it or try to forget it, but he always knew.

The first news of it he heard was when Al had shaken him awake whilst screaming something that morning.

Eyes snapping open he'd dived off the bed, rolled across the floor and transmutated his auto-mail into a blade, fighting off visions of homologous in his half dreaming, half wakened state before he'd understood the words his brother had said.

"HAPPY BIRthday…niisan…"

His enthusiasm had kind of died half way though as Ed dived across the room operating in autopilot attack mode.

"You're really not a morning person niisan…" Al sighed.

Squinting up at his brother having failed in trying to locate an enemy Ed groaned at Al "Wha's going on? What're you screaming about? Does it involve kittens? Because the answer is no."

Al stared stupefied.

"Niisan…it's your birthday!"

"What?" Ed said confused and he changed his arm back.

"Your birthday. You are a year older." Al stated.

"Huh. So it is." Ed said. Getting up he walked back over to his bed and lay down as though nothing had happened.

"EDWARD!"

"Ok ok I'm up." Ed grumbled with a small smile.

Together they went down to the dining hall for breakfast just as it was getting busy. After picking out their meals they sat at an empty table on the far side of the hall for some quiet.

Ed couldn't help but watch Al eat whenever he was with him. After all those years of being bound into the armour unable to eat he now savoured every mouthful. He never ate as much as Ed but it was the pure enjoyment he got from the flavours of the food that astonished him.

"Yo Ed, Al. How are you two?" Hughes said as he sat down on the opposite side of the table to the brothers. Without waiting for a reply he carried on talking.

"The two of you are coming to my house for dinner tonight for a meal to celebrate Ed's birthday! Roy and everyone from the office will be coming."

"That sounds wonderful." Al smiled happily

"Thank you, that's really nice Hughes." Ed said a little awkwardly.

"It's nothing between old friends. I remember the first time I saw you as an innocent eleven year old. The only thing that's changed is you're a little bit taller and you swear more." The man laughed jumping up before Ed could turn what he'd said into an insult about his height. "Hang around after work and I'll drive the two of you. Bye!"

"That's nice of him niisan." Al said cheerfully

-

It was after breakfast Ed was called to the colonel's office.

Feeling slightly weary as the last time he'd been there he'd indirectly trashed it Ed went silently to the office.

Knocking on the wooden door he waited for a confirmation from within.

"Enter."

Opening the door Ed stepped into the office, shutting the door after him.

"You wanted to see me colonel?" Ed said as he moved forward taking his usual seat on the black sofa before the raven haired man's desk.

For once Roy had been sitting waiting for Ed's arrival. They had become more polite towards each other over the last week though in the back of Ed's mind he doubted it would last long.

"Yes Fullmetal. I wanted to tell you about a new arrangement."

Curiously he raised and eyebrow in a scary likeness of the colonel's usual expression.

"Once a week, excluding when you're on missions, you will report to my office and we will have a chat." Roy said resting his hands on the desk before him with fingers interlaced.

_Huh?_

Throwing Roy a curious look Ed said suspiciously "About what?"

"Anything. Any interesting news you heard, funny stuff, sad stuff, anything on your mind. Just general convocation." Roy said simply.

Avoiding the colonel's eye Edward felt a slump in his spirits.

"…I wouldn't do anything like that again. You don't have to watch me." Ed muttered.

Sighing, Roy tried to gather what he was going to say to the young blond. He'd got the wrong end of the stick; this wasn't about watching him or checking up on him. He knew it was still a sensitive subject and it would be a long time before Ed got over it properly.

"This whole thing built up from lack of communication-" Roy had stumbled across a psychology book. He hadn't understood any of it but he'd felt smarter just holding the book. "- so this is just a way for you to chat if Al's not around or if there's something you want to ask an adult in particular."

"I _am_ an adult!" Ed huffed but it was lacking any real anger.

"You are coming to it and that's it. If you don't I will track you down and burn you to a crisp." Mustang said bluntly. Sulking didn't suit Ed, there was no point in mollycoddling the blond, he responded better to harsh words.

"Fine, I'll come but only to see that happy face of yours."

Roy glared at the vertically challenged alchemist.

"That's the one." Ed grinned.

Mustang knew he was asking for it, once the blond returned to normal it would probably just become an exchange of insults instead of any actual convocation but he owed it to him. If he had to put up with the old, loud, angry Ed to help the current version then he would.

"That's all. You can go now Fullmetal." Roy sighed.

Ed was at the door when the colonel called out to him again.

"Oh, and Edward, happy birthday. I'll see you at Hughes' later." He said with a smile.

"Thanks."

For a second a true smile was returned then the blond was gone, the office door swinging shut behind him.

-

Al and Ed walked out into the cool dusk air; the sky was the deep velvety blue of just before nightfall.

The silence was broken by the frantic beeping of a car horn.

"Edo! Alphonse! Over here!" Hughes shouted madly happy from his black car, leaning out the window to attract their attention.

"I wonder what he'd do if we ignored him?" Ed mused as he watched the frantic man.

He suddenly began to flick the cars headlights on and off.

_Just when I was thinking all he was missing was a flashing sign saying 'here I am!'…_

"Don't be so mean niisan." Al whispered even though he was laughing at the spectacle Hughes was making of himself.

Still laughing the brothers climbed into the car greeting the grinning Hughes.

"You guys don't want to be late! Gracia has made a beautiful meal! And Elysia is wearing her new dress! My beautiful little angel!" he cried as the car shot forward. "Here, want to see the pictures!"

Taking a hand from the wheel he waved a wedge of photos over his shoulder at them.

"Ah! The road!" Al cried as Hughes turned to look at them, driving one handed without even looking where he was going.

"This one was taken earlier this evening! Look how cute she is with her hair in plats!" the manic doting father cried.

"Take the pictures from him Al, take the pictures!" Ed cried gripping onto his door handle as the car wavered at its crazy speed.

"Ahhh niisan!"

"And here she is walking in the park!"

-

Amazingly they made it to the Hughes household in once piece, though the brothers were pale and shaky when they finally staggered out of the car.

"Come on you two, everyone will be waiting; we're the last ones to arrive!" the man cried.

_Mental note: never ever get into a car with Hughes again unless what you're running away from is worse then his driving._

With that the two Elric's were gently pushed to the door where they were let in by the smiling Gracia.

After the exchange of pleasantries and some more photos of Elysia they were finally sat at the table where Al happily chatted with the real Elysia.

Ed was seated at the head of the table as he was the birthday boy; Al sat on the left of him whilst Colonel Roy Mustang sat on his right.

It felt weird being with the colonel in a completely social situation.

Hawkeye and Havoc were also seated at the table which surprised Ed a little. Clearly they'd all come straight from work as they were all still wearing their uniform.

_That or they might not own casual clothes…_

Gracia and Maes made themselves busy bringing out drinks (Roy was already on the spirits…) and serving the food.

Ed appreciated what Hughes was doing for him, he really did, he just felt incredibly awkward as three of the people at the table knew what he'd done to himself, the others were under the assumption Ed had been ill or depressed from the strange way Roy had moved the brothers into a new room and the fact that he had refused to send Ed on a mission.

Even though Ed was feeling awkward, there was no time for awkward silences, Maes occupied the convocation if there was any space to do so, that and people were enjoying the great food so much that if there were any silences it was from everyone eating eagerly and they weren't bothered enough to speak.

After the dinner everyone was chatting pleasantly, carefully avoiding work as they didn't want anything depressing or stressful working its way into the chatter to ruin the good atmosphere.

"I'm surprised lieutenant Hawkeye is here. I've never seen her socialising outside of the military before." Ed said quietly leaning towards Roy.

"Well, it's your birthday, the lot of us have watched you and your brother grow up over the years from the small 11 and 12 year olds you both were when we first met to the adults you have become." Mustang said smiling, a smile not a smirk.

For a moment Ed looked torn between anger and being pleased with himself as the colonel had called him 'small' and an 'adult' in the same sentence so he didn't know which to react to first.

"Well, that and Riza is certain something has happened that I'm not letting on involving you. And don't worry because I'm not going to. Neither will Hughes."

There was barely time for Ed to smile at Roy before they were all thrown into darkness as the lights were turned off.

From the kitchen emerged a floating fireball which the blond alchemist and everyone else soon realised to be a cake covered in lit candles.

Slowly the chanting song started up.

_Happy birthday to you…_

_Happy birthday to you…_

_Happy birthday to Edo…_

Ed couldn't help but laugh, he'd resorted to clamping his hands over his mouth to stop the hysterical laughter.

Colonel Roy Mustang was singing next to him and it was bad, all deep and slow as it wavered out of pitch…

_Breathe, just breathe…_

Choking on his laughter Ed stopped just long enough as the cake was put before him to take a deep breath and blow out all the candles.

The smell of smoke filled the air as they were plunged into darkness once again.

"I'll get the lights." Someone called though the darkness.

The lights came back on, sharp and painful to the eyes.

Seeing the knife resting alongside the cake Ed picked it up before saying to the table in general "Who wants a slice?"

As one Al, Roy and Hughes twitched at the sight of the knife in Ed's auto-mail hand.

Al was exceptionally twitchy when Ed was near sharp objects; he'd had a little freak out when Ed had started writing with a fountain pen.

The actual knife was hardly different from the one Ed had been using, he knew because Roy had been the one to pull it out of the bedroom door.

"Er, Ed? I think I should do that." Roy said indicating the knife.

"No way, I want to cut the cake."

"No, I will, so give me the knife Ed."

Looking suddenly horrified Ed realised Roy was talking as though he was going to hurt himself which only made him clutch the knife tighter out of anger.

"I can't believe you!"

"The knife Ed, the knife!"

Before he knew it Roy also had a grip on the knife handle, both of them were standing over the cake with the knife, Roy's hands over Ed's.

To everyone else this just looked like a heated argument over who should cut the birthday cake. Pathetic really.

Whipping out his camera Hughes took a photo with his amazing built in sense of timing as the pair sliced the cake still fighting.

Laughing to himself he hid the camera back in its hidden location around his person.

That photo would be pure gold…

-

Yawning, Ed walked sullenly down the corridor. He was on his was for his weekly 'chat' with the colonel.

Mondays truly did suck. And why did the colonel have to call him so early? He was probably having a bad day and so though he'd ruin Ed's too.

As he approached the office he saw Hughes jump at the sight of him before hiding a piece of paper behind his back.

"Heh, Morning Ed." He cried waving to Ed as he passed.

"Mornin' Hughes." Ed mumbled.

Silently he carried on, letting himself into Roy's office.

There was Roy. Same place behind his desk, same bored look on his face pretending to be interested in the paperwork but in reality he was just trying to piss Ed off.

Sitting in his usual spot on the black sofa Ed watched as Roy flipped through the pages.

Then his eyes opened wide in shock, immediately grabbing Ed's attention.

He was staring at what looked like a photograph that had been slipped into the work. Getting up Ed walked round the side of the desk to see what it was when the colonel ceased to move.

It looked like…a wedding photo. The edge of the page had a boarder of drawn on ribbons and bells. It was a picture of a bride and groom cutting a cake. underneath the picture it said "congratulations to the happy couple."

Big deal, why was Mustang freaking out?

Then Ed saw it. It was not a bride and groom, it was HIM and ROY!

The photo was from when they'd been fighting over the knife and Roy had also grabbed the handle.

On closer inspection Ed could see that gold wedding rings had even been drawn on…

"HUGHES!" Roy and Ed screamed together as they snapped out of it.

Ed ran out into the corridor closely followed by Roy who looked as angry as Ed felt, only to find the same picture stuck on the walls of the corridor every few meters.

"HUGHES!"

Chuckling to himself Maes sneaked away down another corridor before the two very powerful and very pissed alchemists could find him.

-

well, i dunno how that was, i hoped it wrapped the story up nicely for everyone and whoo! i have officially just finished my first story on fanfiction!

p.s. im sorry if this chapter was just plain random and didn't suit the rest of the story.


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